The Secret Weapon of Desire

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” ~Napoleon Hill

 

My friends, it’s mid-January. Many of us have set goals for 2019, and we’re either experiencing some level of success or some level of discouragement so far. For those who are feeling discouraged, I want you to pull out the secret weapon of desire.

 

We tend to move towards what makes us feel good, and away from what doesn’t. We resist and procrastinate, make excuses, and avoid things we don’t really like or want to deal with. Knowing this, have you asked yourself how your goals make you feel? For instance, think about the difference between these two statements: ‘I have to lose weight because I hate the way I look,’ vs. ‘I want to feel so good in my body that I can climb a mountain by the end of the summer.’ The first is laden with shame and a feeling of heaviness. The second is exciting, driven by an energetic rush that’s associated with positive desire.

 

Have you ever noticed how much energy it takes out of you when you feel bad about yourself and ashamed? How unmotivated you feel? How difficult it is to take action? Can you frame your desires positively instead of in a way that elicits negative emotions? Make your goals feel light instead of heavy. “I want to have the energy and stamina to run around and play with my beautiful grandkids for years.” “I want to have the mental clarity and focus to write my novel/play/screenplay with velocity this year.” “I want to feel so confident about what I’m eating, that I have more time and energy to give to what’s important to me (relationships/projects/travel/kids, etc.).” Do a little makeover on your goals!

 

Reframing your goals in this way should give you great start. But there’s even more good news about positive desire. When you feel good, your brain releases the chemical dopamine, which helps motivation and concentration… perfect for helping you achieve your goals! When created by your body naturally (i.e. not with the help of recreational drugs), dopamine can be like you own internal cheerleader. So, start spending time with people who make you feel GOOD about yourself, not bad. Connect more in-person, and use social media less. Get and give HUGS! Spend time in nature. Listen to music you love. Get a massage. Start adding more pleasure and joy to your life like they are the fuel for your desires… because they are!

 

Most importantly, say nice things to yourself instead of beating yourself up. Get rid of the ‘no pain, no gain’ mentality, and move towards what gives you pleasure. If dieting and restriction makes you feel bad, then you’re working against the flow of a strong river rapids. Go with the flow of the river instead. What are the healthy foods you actually like? What is the type of exercise you do enjoy, and at what time of day? And with whom (or do you want/need alone-time)? What if your entire focus was about pleasure, or making things enjoyable? Marie Kondo has made waves with her best-selling book, ‘The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up,’ and now her new Netflix show, ‘Tidying Up with Marie Kondo,’ in which she uses her principle, keep only things that spark joy. We could all use a little bit of that wisdom to apply to our lives.

 

When you’re trying to make a change, there’s some amount of inertia you’re working against that you have to overcome. If you move in the direction of desire, pleasure and joy, you’ll have an energetic rush pushing you forward, creating momentum, like a nice supportive wind in your sails. So go after it, 2019! Happy sailing!